I always thought that my stability came from growing up in a Christian home and felt that my life style was a reflection of the good morals and Christian values my parents instilled in me. Shockingly, while reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I came across a study conducted by Judith Harris which said “peer influence and community influence are more important than family influence in determining how children turn out…children are powerfully shaped by their external environments…the streets we walk down, the people we encounter- play a huge role in shaping who we are and how we act.”(pg.167-168). After analyzing how different my life is compared to my childhood friends I had no choice but to agree. When mentoring the next generation we need to create a community within the church that molds their outlook and character.As humans, we all long to fulfill the vital need to belong to a community. Jesus himself, shortly after his baptism started his public ministry by fostering a community with his twelve disciples. These were his confidants, the ones he trusted to continue his work of spreading the gospel. We need to create that same experience for our youth.
I grew up in an inner city where crime was high and gangs were raging all over the streets. By fifth grade, kids were already talking about sex, and girls were fighting to prove that they were, in fact, still virgins. Gangs and drugs infiltrated even the small charter school I attended. Even in an environment like the one I describe, I managed to surround myself with a great group of level-headed friends with whom I associate during school hours. Sadly, even within this group bad decisions were made.
If the results of the study done by Harris stand true, why didn’t I go down the wrong path even though I grew up in the same community as my friends? Simple: I did not find community in my neighborhood, I found it in my church. Looking back, I realized that my participation in several ministries throughout my adolescence contributed significantly to how I would turn out and I also had a mentor encourage me to participate in various afterschool programs. Through the years, strong bonds were built with other Christian youth with whom I was able to spend most of my weekends attending various youth activities within the city, district and region. My community was not made up of my friends from school. My community was church. My desire to belong was met by my Christian peers. We all had the same goal: God. We kept each other accountable.
How can we successfully build a youth-friendly community in our churches? It starts with mentoring and building relationships with them in small group settings. I can’t emphasize its importance enough. Trust and comfort are essential to building community and very often a product of time and investment. Make it a point to spend time with them after service and outside of a traditional church setting. Be patient and start slowly. Once trust has been established, it will grow and lead the youth to naturally open up to you. At that point, all that will be left for you to do is simply listen, and that will be sufficient for them.
Create a safe haven for them to express themselves freely. On a weekly or monthly basis, allow time for them to talk voluntarily about the things that are going on in their lives. By creating this safe space, the youth will realize that they are all dealing with similar situations and will begin to create natural bonds with one another.
Encourage your youth to join other ministries within the church and/or to form new ones. They can create ministries revolving around the arts such as a musical group or a drama ministry. Encourage their creativity and their desire to work. Invite them to join the cleaning ministry or the ushers and to build that sense of responsibility and accountability . The more involved they are the more time they will spend with each other and the more their trust and love for each other will grow. This will help them create a Christ centered culture within their peers which will result in positive peer pressure.
It is essential to build community to help our youth feel like they belong, which is such a vital part of youth development. Once you have built that sense of belonging and have captured their attention then it is your duty and privilege to mold a new generation after God’s heart that will continue Jesus’ work on earth.
Gladwell, Malcolm. The Tipping Point. New York, NY, Back Bay Books/Little, Brown Company, 2001. Print
