Be you, be free

So I swear I'm tough, I really do. Most people who know me, like really know me, know I hardly cry. I don't cry at movies or weddings. I don't have moments when I need to a moment and spend the day listening to sad music and having sentimental episodes or whatever.

I'm a bit rough around the edges I suppose. I always say my parents thought I was going to be a boy so I got some of those characteristic plus my brother and I were closer in age and I always hung out with him. I've been a feminist since I could remember, anything you could do I could do better mentality. Never show your weak, I can carry my own boxes and lift heavy things. I can beat you up throw you on the grown and sit on your head! Tough. The only point I didn't try to proof was the whole sport thing, I kinda have no hand eye coordination.

I'm loud, intense, opinionated, critical, sarcastic, type A at times, confident, defiant, I like things done a certain way, and I'm not scared to proof my point. But at the same time I can be timid, quiet, reserved, go with the flow, self-conscience, observant, apprehensive and even passive. It's this dual persona that I have. I'm never scared to share my opinion when asked, it just depends how much of it I’m willing to give you. My opinions are mine and not everybody should have access to them.

I’m not the cookie cutter type of person. I’ve always been “offbeat”, even when small. I always had my own ideas and it didn’t matter how much I tried to fit it, I would always just end up popping out even more, eventually the real me would come out. It’s funny to me how even in the most eclectic places I’ve been called unique, for example Woodstock New York, home of the hippie movement, and where a big chunk still resides. I always have a different opinion, not because I’m trying to be revolutionary or rebel or devil’s advocate, which I do play at times lol, but because I can’t help it. I wonder sometimes if I’m just THAT different or am I just bold enough to be free. Free of expectations, free of people’s perceptions, free of social norm, free of limitations to express who I am. I see it, I like it, I do it. I think it, I say it. That simple

Its hard at time to be looked at with a raised brow, or to be called "weird" all the time. But the sooner you appreciate your own ways the sooner other people will too. And you will get over those things and take it as a compliment. You are expressing yourself, your free.

I’m free to be me and I can’t try to cover or hide what can’t be hidden, who I am.

Fear of Hell ≠ Love for God

I hate horror movies!! I’ve never been into being scared or having nightmares for days afterwards. I hate being jumpy for a while, feeling like things are in the corner or in the dark side of the house, even against my better judgment.  I don’t ever watch scary movies…ever!! But when I do the reality is that after a couple of days after watching one I get over it, I either forget about it, don’t remember the villain and realize that I was acting a fool and the better judgment I was talking about comes back. However I love love love romantic movies!  I can watch them all day. I can probably quote some of my favorites ones, call me a lost romantic but there’s something so beautiful when two souls meet and give themselves up to each other.  I can watch them and not get tired of them, even if I know the ending.

I don't understand why people like scary movies...I like romantic ones better. I guess it has to do with the feelings behind them, and I'm just not a fan of fear. Fear is very strong however the only feeling stronger than fear is love. Love over comes all evil. Love also last longer than fear. Fear is something that you fight to get over, you want to overcome it, beat it, destroy it….then my question is why are Christians using it to spread the gospel?

I’ve always been against what I call the Gospel of Hell, when people preach to people about becoming a Christian so that they won’t go to hell. I feel like that was what I heard for a while. Hell this and hell that and the devil and eternal hellfire!! It’s a shock people don’t go completely mad when they hear these things. Now I am not saying these things aren’t part of the picture but the reality is that it’s not the whole picture, and definitely not the focus.  I feel  they are scaring people into following Christ, when we should be inviting them to a completely different story. Fear is what drives their decision…it is fear of hell not love for Christ that would get them into church. Have you ever witness an unhealthy relationship? A relationship based on fear. The person might be there physically but in their heart and mind that's not were they want to be, it is forced, unnatural and well...unhealthy. Nobody ever wants to be in that type of relationship. And God doesn't want us to be in that type of relationship with him, if he did he wouldn't have giving us free will. There is freedom in love, that's why its a choice, that's why salvation is a choice, its a great romance.

The amazing thing about the gospel is that it's a love story. There once was a boy who loved a girl. But the girl didn't love him. He offered her peace, joy, happiness, protection and most importantly love, but she didn't take it. One day the girl broke a law and was sentence to death. The boy suffered greatly for his greatest love was about to die, although she didn't feel the same love for him. In a desperate act of love he went to the court and declared himself guilty for her crime. Ultimately the girl was set free and the boy died in her place. He was innocent but the idea of  loosing her was worst than death itself. He died for love. But the greatest thing about the Gospel is that's not where the story ends. His love for her was so strong that it freed her from her death sentence but also brought him back to life.

That's the story we should be telling people, that's the story we should be inviting them into. Love conquers all fears, in 1 John 4:18 says:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

The thing is that telling people to come to God OR ELSE YOUR GOING TO HELL (Thunder, lightning, scary music) its just like telling people give me a hug or I'm going to punch you. Stop showing them the boogie monster, instead show them P.S I love you :)
So today I tell you share this love story and reveal to people that they are that girl that boy loved. And to let his love and death for them enrobed them.

Culture is in the eye of the beholder

Color is an illusion, no, really it is. I love color, bright colors to be more exact, and I know this to be a fact. I have combine some crazy colors together and to my eyes they make sense, to others...not so much. I have had countless arguments about a top I own, to me its orange, to my friends its red...but who's right? I can confidently say both; it is the context in which we saw the top that makes us draw the different conclusions. When I got the top I most likely got it in a store with white walls and very well lit room so I saw the top as orange. When I wore it I put it with a purple skirt (great and unusual color combination btw) probably in an awfully lit room and therefore people saw it as red. Does the color change? Well, no, its not a mood shirt, the color is the same...it is the context that changes.

Ok here is a challenge for you. What colors is the top circled tile and what color is the bottom one...To my eyes the top is brown and the bottom is orange...we'll get back to this latter.

So I attended Gordon College for my B.A. It is a primary white suburban school. In most of my class I was the only Latina or minority, unless I took it with a friend. My comments were most likely VERY different than my classmates. We would read a book, the class saw it one way, and I would see it completely different. The teacher would make a joke or reference, the class would laugh I would write it down and Google it since I had noooo idea what it was about. The teacher would tell us to write a paper and when I got it edited by the writing center the student editor would tell me "Wow I never thought of it that way!” Pretty much I was the neon sheep in a herd of white. I actually realized I had an accent in college, I was 18...I had been speaking this way for years and all of the sudden I had an accent...you see my context had change. I went from an urban Hispanic, mostly Dominican, context to a suburban white context.

At Gordon I had all these qualities I didn't have back home. All the sudden my Spanish was perfect, I was the best dancer in the room, like I said I had an accent, nobody knew the brands I wore, just like I had no idea which one they wore (it took me a while to figure out what the seagull was all about), my hair was amazing because it curled AND was able to become straight, I had an eternal tan and I was the loudest in the room...I was super Latina Girl, able to answer all questions about my culture and the city...but why weren’t these qualities true back home?

After my first year at Gordon I came back and all of the sudden I had a new list of qualities...the music I listen to was weird, I had a "white" accent, my clothes looked weird, I spoke with unusual words and terms, I made reference no one got (and didn't take the time to Google), my jokes didn't make sense, my hair was styled different and I was the loudest in the room...yeah...that one is the same in both places lol. It was as if I was a completely different person...but was I? Had I really changed that much in a year?I figured when I went back to college the next semester I would fit in the culture better since apparently I had change so much...but that wasn't the case.

So what was going on? Was I really these two completely different people? Was I changing my personality to fit in? I didn't feel like I had change that much between the two groups, so why did they see me so different? Why was I orange to one group and red to the other...wasn’t I Yicaury in both places?

I feel this is something most multi-cultural people go through. It seems that no matter which of the cultures you’re in you’ll never fully fit in, you are always too much of another culture. But you're the same person everywhere…

Back to the picture, I’m guessing by the way I phrased the question you figured out that the two colors are actually the same. Here let me remove the context so you can see I am not lying to you. If you think I'm tricking you cover the tiles around the color and you will see it’s the same color. Why do we see one as orange and one as brown if the color hasn't change? Color is an illusion and  so is culture and the way people perceive you, it's all about where you're at . You are not too much or too little of something, you are the same person but your context changes how people view you, just like the case with the color blocks. When I was in school I was the only Dominican from a city that most people knew, when I was home I was the only Gordon student people knew, but I was still the same Yicaury, I was just in different surroundings.
The reality of being a multi-cultural person is that you are way too unique to fit anywhere. Nobody has your culture mix, your life experiences, which guides your perception of life. Sometimes it's hard to fit in, but maybe we're not meant to…so do what you naturally do best, stand out, even if nobody sees you the same, they still see you :)

Making your words be as valuable as Diamonds

 

Have you ever encountered a person that has a comment for everything: what you’re wearing, how your hair looks, the class you’re taking, the company you’re working for, the phone you use, the cell phone plan you have, the way you speak, the person you’re dating or just simply like, even the way you tie your shoelaces! EVERYTHING! They just love giving their opinion, and they do it so often that you don’t even want to hear it anymore. They talk and all you hearis a weeeeeeeeeeee sound in your ear; they make you dizzy! Since they talk so often you don't listen to what they are saying, you're simply just hearing it.Even if ONE day they have something of value for your life you wouldn't even listen, since you are so used to hearing gibberish. Their words are like the common crystal, inexpensive, weak and common, and pretty much they have little value.

Now on the other hand have you ever met someone who barely talked...like at all. They just sit and observe everything that’s going around them. They usually know everything that’s going on but you would have no idea. The minute they open their mouth the whole room goes silent and treasure the few precious moments of that’s persons opinion. The sound of their voice is usually followed by someone saying "OMG it spoke!” This person’s voice and opinions are so rare that those who hear it pay so much attention to it because they never know when they may hear it again. Their opinions are like diamonds, expensive, strong and rare, so it is highly valued.

I have come up with my own theory called silent wisdom. I try to practice it, sometimes I am successful other times I'm not as constant lol. But silent wisdom is when you give your words value, by holding back your opinion, your wisdom, and your input and release it only when necessary or asked. I worked in an office once and I didn't say much while there. I always held my opinion about the office chit chat and just listened. However when I felt I HAD to say something I would drop a diamond on the group, and they would not only listen but appreciate my rare input. I waited until it was necessary, until I felt that my opinion would be valued. In order to be heard you don't need to speak all the time, wait for the right moment, and think about what you’re saying.

What makes diamonds so valuable is how long they take to develop. Think about what you're going to say. Fully develop your thought before you release it. Another reason why diamonds are so valuable is because of what their made of, it is the only jewel thats just pure carbon, making it the strongest of all the precious stones. It’s not just about holding back your opinion to just say some random comment that makes no sense it is about making the content powerful, strong, pure and sincere. Talking too much might get you in trouble; you are just talking to hear the sound of your voice. Stop, Think, and then Speak.

One of my favorite scripture taught me this a while back.

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
-Proverb 10:19

I hope you start practicing silent wisdom and add value to your words.